somewhere, somehow, somewhen

On worry, love, and life's ailments

Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
That for an hermitage;
If I have freedom in my love,
And in my soul am free;
Angels alone, that soar above,
Enjoy such liberty.
Lovelace, To Althea, From Prison, 1649

So there I was -- sitting under the twilight of the early morning stars, sipping a steaming cuppa coffee, and talking to God about how my life had taken a rather drole turn this Christmas season. Divorce papers from my husband the day after Thanksgiving hadn't done much to lift my spirits.

Now Christmas has to be my favorite holiday ever. It's the time for celebrating Christ's birth, time for family - friends - sharing - caring - giving and most of all for love. Christmas, and everything it stands for, is something that everyone should hold in their hearts all year long.

So there I was sipping that coffee and feeling a bit blue about the way things were going when out of nowhere I saw a dark shape, and when it came into focus in the stillness of the brisk wintery morning the brown eyes of a doe caught mine. After a quick gaze she went back to flicking the snow off the top of the grass and nibbling a bite or two before moving on.

Mama's antics brought a smile to my face and I was thanking God for his gift of letting me know that he is always there, when a minature version of mama came prancing out of the same still nowhere to my lil version of somewhere.

One deer frisking around the back-yard in the twinkle of a million city lights .. and a million Christmas lights .. is a wonder, but two? Well upon seeing those two I chuckled, took a deep breath and sucked in all that is right in life and breathed out that is wrong in life. Heading back inside I realized that God had opened the door with a smile on new day.

************
When you are flying, everything is all right or it is not all right.
If it is all right there is no need to worry.

If it is not all right one of two things will happen.
Either you will crash or you will not crash.
If you do not crash there is no need to worry.

If you do crash one of two things is certain.
Either you will be injured or you will not be injured.
If you are not injured there is no need to worry.

If you are injured one of two things is certain.
Either you will recover or you will not recover.
If you recover there is no need to worry.

If you don't recover you can't worry.

W.E. Johns, Spitfire Parade, 1941

posted by Guinorion @ 5:06 PM 0 comments

Letting Go, Letting God

Thanksgiving! Now that all the leftover turkey has been put on ice for the turkey ala king, turkey and noodles, turkey pie, and flaming turkey drumsticks one can think about what there is to be actually be thankful for.

Turkey day this year with our family brought about huge changes. A couple months ago my husband decided to (according to him) 'NOT' have a MIDLIFE CRISIS -- even though he grew his hair long, bought two new guitars, hooked up with his ol' rock and roll buddie, and had (is having) an affair because as he said he didn't know how to love.

Well the day after Thanksgiving I heard a pounding on the door, and guess what? The Mail-man had an extra-special delivery just for me.. Divorce papers. Tumtetum..

I never ever never ever thought I'd see the day when... but hey one never knows what is just around the block and up ones street!
Anyway back to tissue city.

Who knows what the next curve in the road will bring? Will I get a lawyer to counter his lawyer? I doubt it, as I don't want to hurt anyone at anytime if at all possible. What am I going to ask for in the divorce? What are material things after all? Just material things, and things don't matter. Which means I have a big ol red target printed on my shirt but hey that's ok go ahead have some target practice, because I know what love is.
and.. it.. just.. doesn't.. matter...because

I'm letting go and letting God.. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is worth giving up God. God is love.

One doesn't know what love is? Just train ones heart on what there IS to love, and that would be anything and everything and everyone. Be thankful for family and friends, appreciate each other, and be thankful for everything that comes ones way.

Do I forgive Mr. Midlife Crisis? You bet I do, and I still wish him the best. Someday someway I have a hunch that this will all seem just like some kind of pre-school mudthrowing wrestle.

The tough roads are where one gets to know God the best. He's always ALWAYS there, and hey if one doesn't know it then just check out his Footprints in the sand.

posted by Guinorion @ 3:01 PM 0 comments